Day 4 million

Today's best tweets for last week double points

benbirchall Stop telling people their question is good. It's condescending. They're also not good questions. #rootyq

scrivenersfancy 'The electorate with the two celebrity candidates' - the only way politics can get onto 'ACA'.

This Is Also Real.

Surely not.

This Is Not A Joke. It's Real.

For fuck's sake.

Day 923 Tweeting League Results

Today's battle of the tough guys.

Everyone I speak to is bored of the election.

Well, it's not.

The speeches, policies and personalities are non-existent but there's so much going on in the background. And we don't even need to actually know what's going on, we can just make shit up.

Oh, and there's Mark Latham. He attacked Tony Abbott on the trail today. Asked if Abbott put Pauline Hanson in jail. What the? Completely bizarre.

Today's winners:

mariekehardy Mark Latham is one step away from being one of those crazy men who stands outside supermarkets eating pigeons. http://tinyurl.com/2wogqmw

sophblack live Latham cam on Sky right now is possibly the most excrutiating piece of election footage in the history of ... everything #ausvotes

Cuckoo!

Day 642 of the Campaign

Rooty Hill RSL Club yesterday.

There was some sort of town hall debate thing at the Rooty Hill RSL Club tonight. Both Gillard and Abbott answered bizarre questions from an audience of swinging voters. Put on by Sky News and News Limited and you could watch it online on the News Limited websites as an 19 hour TV show. ABC complained they weren't allowed to show it on their new 24 hour news channel. The cocky ABC bores argued that them being locked out was a bad thing for democracy. No announcements have been made if ABC will let Channel 9 broadcast old episodes of Spicks & Specks for the sake of democracy yet.

Today's winning tweets all from people watching the Rooty Hill debate thingy.

cosmicjester: If Western Sydney isnt threatened by gay marriage then WTF is the problem? #rooty

mtats Don't invest in a monopolistic company run by fucking pricks. How about that for an idea? #rooty

justinf I doubt that we'll ever see #rooty as a trending topic again.

Not if I can help it.

Day 17

Today the opposition released their anti NBN broadband policy. It's a dud of a policy and from the terrible effort by Tony Abbott at 730Reportland, you could suspect that they thought they didn't need to defend it much. Just say get rid of it and let the market decide. The conservative way. Having to defend classic conservative policy is like asking Statler and Waldorf to dance. They can't and they won't.

Anyway onto the tweets.

scottsues Coalition #nbn policy: Stop Playing On That Damn Computer And Go Outside.

mpesce OMFG! TEH COALITION HAS REWRITTEN TEH LAWS OF TEH PHYSICS!!! WIRELESS IS TEH FASTER THAN TEH FIBRES!!!! #nbn #ausvotes


NeilMcMahon I would like to accept Mr Robb's kind offer of a carrier pigeon but my dog goes dipshit mental when there's a bird in the house. #ausvotes

IanMartin Revenge is a dish best served with plenty of fucking tabasco. #wheverbs

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 16

Simple decision today.

Marieke Hardy At least I stand by my tweets Wendy Francis, you vicious, cowardly fuck. http://tinyurl.com/27mbrvm

4 points.

Mark Latham Has Gone Completely Mad

Amazing. Which is not too different to....


Completely mad.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 15

Laurie Oakes is on fire this election campaign. He seems to be the only one enjoying himself. Watching him is like watching the Abbotsford Anglers' Luke Serong on song, calling boundaries before the ball leaves the hapless bowler's hand.

Today's best all from Oakes while watching Rudd's comeback from gallbladder press conference.

Late cut for four...

KRudd sounds prime ministerial.

Six over cow corner...

Sorry, Julia..but he's making the arguments better than you did this morning.

And a top edge for six...

Mind you, he's also making the arguments better than he did in the final months.

Yes, just like the Abbotsford home ground, the boundaries in Canberra are quite easy to hit over.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 14

Okay my brain has just melted from doing my tax online. Pity that keeping tax really fucking complex is still a bipartisan policy.

Now onto today's winners.

Two points to:

Howcroft_for_PM Whatever happened to that bloke from Midnight Oil?

And, as lobbied and predicted, the other two points to Exiled for a deft mix of an Abbott gaffe and an Allanah Hill brainfart.

Unfortunately I'm not reprinting it here because after seeing how little money I earned this past year, I'm in no position to defend a libel case.

Well done, Exiled anyway.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 13

Everyone got carried away with some story about Andrew Bolt being angry about some fake Andrew Bolt Twitter accounts.

Boring.

Poor effort by everybody today so instead of awarding 4 points I'm going take 4 points away from martyr, bore and used to be funny, Catherine Deveny for these, all made in the past 24 hours.

Wow! Tony Abbott is really starting to give homophobic, xenophobic, misogynist, right-wing Catholic fuckwits a bad name. #ausvotes


Tony Abbott is a man who says it like it is. In 340BC #ausvotes


Tony Abbott makes a rape joke? How is this news? Who's suprised? He's a homophobic, xenophobic, misogynist. #ausvotes


I don't give a shit about the election but I'm suddenly very fucking afraid. #ausvotes

Oh dear.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 12

In a truly ridiculous day of electioneering when Julia Gillard announced that from now on we'll be seeing "The Real JuliaT™", a point each for these...

@annabelcrabb Hope she doesn't get confused with Raul Julia. Could be messy

@KRuddMP Great to be out of hospital. The staff were all terrific. Many thanks to them all. KRudd
@tonyowright Julia has returned to campaign HQ to tell those who told her to admit she was faking it last week that it was a stupid idea
@puffinpie NO FUCKING JOKE KANYE AT THE TABLE NEXT TO ME HOPE HE TWITTERS ABOUT ME PRONTO
@Antmerker Robert Peston *is* a serious journalist, isn't he? He sounds like a monged theramin.

But really, I should be giving all the points to myself because I WAS ON FIRE TODAY. Here's the funny stuff I, as nightwatchman tweeted...

First a few story leads to the star journalist of the election so far, Laurie Oakes with:

Say "MOVING FORWARD" into a mirror three times and absolutely nothing happens. #OakesTips
In 1994, Kevin's cousin Phil was welcomed back into ACDC after 11 year's of leaking backstage groupie stories to the media. #OakesTips
Christopher Pyne has so many cutesy Korean plastic ornaments on his dashboard, he has to sit on a phone book while driving. #OakesTips

And then to Q and A. They were all having a fight fight fight about having a debate and whether the leaders will appear on the show. So this one was obvious.

I prefer qanda because it's a mass debate. #qanda

Can't imagine why that wasn't printed on the screen. The show was filmed in Queensland. They started to talk bored-band...

With fast broadband Queenslanders only ten years behind the times. #qanda
Queenslander audience angry about net filter because they love porn. #qanda

I crack myself right up.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 11

Today's double point jackpot goes to The Age's Tony Wright:

tonyowright  What is it about elections and blokes' plumbing? Latham's pancreatitis, Hawkie's prostate 1990. Now Kevin's gallbladder. #ausvotes

Sometimes I think only he and the Fin Review's Laura Tingle are the only people worth reading during this campaign.

Special mention to ABC's Mark Colvin and Channel Ten's Sandra Sully who had a Twitterfight over what constitutes a scoop last night.

It was quite hilarious.

And pointless.

Put a Stick In Him, It's Done

Apparently it's all gone pear shaped for Labor. It's stuffed. Gone. Kaput. Whatever. Look at a poll of 1300 something people, write it up, put a stick in them. They're done.

It's pretty easy to read a poll and write something up. The evidence is behind you, you don't have to look a few moves forward. The story's all there in the numbers. The numbers don't lie.

Then you have a leak. Easy story, a leak. A and B hate each other. A shafts B. Leak shafts A. It's easy to write about because the evidence is behind you, you don't have to look a few moves forward.It's gotta be B. The story's all there in the leak. It's a leak and all leaks are the same.

And so goes the agreed narrative for the next few days or even weeks. Julia Gillard is going down in the polls and it's all Kevin Rudd's fault. Oh, and it's all because Rudd wants some job at the UN.

Ridiculous, really. We deserve better. Swallow all that and we deserve all the cynical pollies we get.

Kevin Rudd wouldn't leak this week's stuff. It's too obvious. Nobody's that stupid. Could the leaker easily predict the agreed narrative that it was unquestionably Rudd? Of course. Oh, but why would the leaker do that at the expense of the party? The party? No way, the party means fuck all. Most important is the pack you run with. To win. Law of the fucking jungle. But the party? Couldn't Gillard lose from all this? Calculated risk, mate. Put a stick in him. Do him. He's finished. Don't let him back up again.

Work through all this haze and whattaya know, nobody needs the inconvenience of thinking and talking about policy.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 10

Nope. Nobody was good enough to get the points today. Too much carrying on about The Chaser and The Gruen Transfer's election thingy.

So that means today's points jackpot tomorrow.

Get witty.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 9

Today one point to each of these...

LaurieOakes Stronger,more passionate and PMish Gillard this morning.If leaks have broken the shackles of blandness, it's a good thing.

michellegrattan how does the abbott team tie colour co-ordination work? who's in charge of it?

tonyowright On the Manly ferry, dolphins dancing, mist shrouding Sydney, about to walk with TAbbott. Campaign trail is he'll. #ausvotes

IanMartin The wind may famously have cried Mary, but this morning my digestive system screams Dyspepsia.

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 8

The ALP's public transport policy manual, yesterday.

On a day when most of Melbourne was either stuck at the train station or stuck in traffic, the Election Tweeting League winner was obvious.

4 points to the Greens' Melbourne candidate, AdamBandt

The major parties should stop talking about the boats and start talking about the trains.

Simple stuff really. But even though it's a state issue, public transport is a quiet nag to the ALP. In Sydney, the state government are completely twattified on public transport and in Melbourne, the Libs could have a fair shake at the November election with the Myki ticketing farce and terrible travel days like today.

Strangely, Gillard last week several times linked population growth with gridlock traffic frustration in those mythical Western Sydney seats. I say strangely because the traffic frustration has fuck all to do with population growth. It's more to do with all governments passing the buck and refusing to spend on seriously ambitious infrastructure.

And this election campaign is seriously devoid of any ambition.

Toot toot.

The Greatest Moment During The Election Campaign So Far

Shimmy!

Drover's Dog 2010 Election Tweeting League: Day 7

If I could vote for myself I would today because I had one of my tweets printed on the TV screen during tonight's episode of qanda. My lovely girlie thought my tweet wasn't deserved of it's airing because it was a "suck-up" and "substandard". Well, that might be the case but I'm officially a famous and respected pundit. The ABC says so. So there.

Anyway, today's points.

Two points each for...

@David_Speers Abbott survives #730reportland. This discipline must be driving the alp mad

@Safran_john Malcolm, why don't rich people wear monocles anymore? #qanda

LADDER
ChasLicc 5
KRuddMP 4
Therese_Rein 3
jmdonellan 3
sealfur 3
IanMartin 3
David_Speers 2
Safran_john 2
msstox 2
mariekehardy 2
DT_13 2
MayneReport 1

2010 Election Tweeting League: Debate Day More Points

Okay, big debate night and I've got more points to give out. I'll get straight to it.

4 points to ChasLicc No surprise the worm is loving the “Stop the Boats” talk. Worms love eating shit
3 points to jmdonellan Glad to see that the age of skilled political debate isn't dead, it's just been beaten, maimed and had 'fair dinkum' carved on its face.
Another 3 to sealfur Someone let that person with bicycle move past. Thanks.
And 2 to DT_13 Watching my first episode of master chef, I now understand what all the fuss is about - go the young fella!! Yew

LADDER

ChasLicc         5

KRuddMP       4
Therese_Rein  3
jmdonellan      3

sealfur             3

IanMartin        3
msstox             2

mariekehardy  2
DT_13             2

MayneReport  1